Thursday, December 24, 2009

Spectacles upon spectacles..

Just to warn you this is posts is better well suited towards all the fellow nerdy eye glass wearers and enthusiasts out there. You're adjusting them right now because I just said that aren't you? Dork. Anyways, about 6-7 months ago I was hunting around for some new specs. I found the most stellar pair EVER. The kind that you just slap on your face with no adjustment and are wicked stoked on from the get go. Unfortunately the frames were by Alain Mikli, i.e. hand made, hard to find, wicked expensive. They wanted $650 for the frames and another $425ish for the lenses. So yeah, I put them down and was like fffuck you can suck balls! But not before taking down the product # of course. Here we are 6-7 months later and I FINALLY found the pair I'd been lusting after on the interwebz at an awesome discount:

Naturally I was freaking out when I first found them and bought them right away. Got some lenses at Lenscrafters for em today and I'm hhhella stoked!

Total for the frames and lenses after my insurance discount was $565. So I ended up saving like $500+

Fuuuccckkkiinnnngggg awesooooommmmee!

For those of you who aren't eyeglass wearers and don't really get it, just imagine having to wear something on your face EVERY SINGLE DAY and how much time, money and effort you'd put into something like that. Last thing you'd want is to look like a fucking dolt. Well, no more than usual anyways. Oh and p.s.- contacts don't work for me on a daily basis and getting some shitty cheap ironic frames obviously doesn't work for me either..

The second half to this story is about the fine young woman who was good enough to grace me with her presence last night for dinner. Naturally as with most nerds I met her online. Surprise, surprise. Here's the thing about dating via the interweb so far as I've experienced since I first became a total loser and had to stoop to that level: It's like scraping the bottom of the fuckin' humanity barrel, I ssshhit you not! Maannn oooo man have I ever come across some real gems. I won't go into any gory details but for those of you also engaging in this somewhat futile exercise I will give you this piece of advise: Full RECENT body shots or just don't bother- TRUST ME. There's nothing worse than being stuck in public with a fuckin' mouth breather at your side- bleeech!

Right, back to said fine young lady. Being the daring risk taker I am, I decided to meet with her despite not really having a good idea of what she looked like since she was really small in her photo. Turns out she was really quite beautiful. Shocking, I know! She was also tall and has what appears to be a nice figure so far as I could tell being that it's cold out.

We sat down and one of the first things I commented on was the really cool clear eyeglasses she was wearing. Clear eyeglasses are tough to pull off in my opinion. Chicks def sport them better than dudes too. Unless you're like, you know.. not so dudeish a dude..

The clincher of course is when we got around to asking each other what we did. It turns out she's a fucking doctor with a background in neuroscience. Like with the white lab coat and everything! She also enjoys riding bicycles AAANNNDD, is somewhat of a Balkan mix. I mean, come on, what are the chances that my dumbass finds a beautiful nerd with cool glasses, rides bikes and is from my neck of the woods. It's like finding a needle in a stack of needles. So yeah, I'm pretty much in love with her already, hehe. I would make jokes about posting wedding invite type shit up here asking people which ones they like best but there is of course a downside to all of this. That downside being me of course. Having someone tell you that they're a straight up doctor really puts into perspective how stupid you truly are..

Like- Oh wow, gee what do I do? Um yeah, I do a lot of things.. None of which have anything to do with being stuck at a dead end job, getting stoned, building weird freak bikes, jerking off and then writing about it on the internet all the while wondering why people give me funny looks in public. No, no, certainly nothing along those lines. I'm actually an artist. Yeah, that sounds MUCH better! I spend a lot of time analyzing the various implications that negative space has as it pertains to the human condition. Which is just another way of saying that I've been suffering though an extreme case of soul deadening chronic masturbation due to rampant free internet porn access for longer than I care to admit..

Like I said, bottom of the fucken barrel..

Fortunately your humble narrator is as charming a bastard as they come and by the end of our date, she was asking me out to our second. We're going to go see Avatar in imax 3D with the goggles and everything. It'll be my first time putting on goggles of a different sort and her second time seeing it. Like I said, I think I'm in love..

Oh and before I forget-

Happy Holidays you fuckin' fags!




chris said...

Excellent post Alan as usual. Your site is one of my favorite places to read straight-up funny shit. $20 says you totally blow the second date...nerd.

CyclingWMD said...

BAHAHAHA! Thanks a lot for the vote of confidence you fuckin' asshole!!

Crankee said...

Nice score Alan! Do I smell a tandem ride through Central Park on your next date?

CyclingWMD said...

Thanks man! But yeah, maybe if I had like a normal tandem. Showing up to a second date with the MUTANDEM might not be the best of ideas with this one..

craig said...

This would make a better "love" story movie than anything I have ever seen. Now she can be impressed by your kickin glasses too.

The cycling weapon of mass destruction always pulls through with good posts.

woodward said...

Beauty and the beast? I jest, i jest- but if she appreciates handmade bicycle rim pentagrams then marry her on the spot!

And a happy winter solstice to you all!

NSK said...

This post further confirms my belief that this is the greatest blog in America.

morgman said...

I related your Chinese food punt story over the xmas breakfast table today.

SqareWheelz said...

You get free health care? Jeebus! What a lucky bastard.

Anonymous said...

this post made my night