Thursday, January 24, 2013

Yet Another Design FAIL from CLUELESS Designers: The Clarity Bike!

Let's see, how could greatly we up our chances with getting hit by a car..?

I know, let's make a bike that's even LESS visible than ever before!!


1) If you're stupid enough to ride a clear bike, you totally deserve getting hit by pretty much anything moving in the street..

2) Only someone stupid enough to ride a clear bike would be caught dead, literally, riding a bike with as ugly a front slack ass head tube..

I mean, if the material is so fucking space age great, what was stopping them from adding SOME rake of some sort to the fork. Oh hey I know, it actually sucks!

"gentle flexibility that usually would only be expected on an old Italian steel frame."

Uhhh, yeah.. Steel is real guys, plastic.. not so fantastic..


Thursday, January 17, 2013



God damn that shit just looks SO. FUCKING. BAD.



Quick, someone do a bar spin or some shit- ANYTHING!

Seeing one of those wankers in public is probably one of the rare instances where I would turn into a total asshole. The last time I acted like that was when some dipshit kid busted out with a 'grind' in a pair of soap shoes on a really high ledge I was skating. Fucking lazy ass twats. TRY ENGAGING IN AN ACTIVITY THAT ACTUALLY REQUIRES EFFORT TO LEARN!!


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Chari & Co Tenga 2 Promo Vid!

I mean, why stop at buying yourself bike porn while you're there?

That's my buddy John (K-Tel) and his lady Hana that star in the short. So fucking hilarious!

I was sitting in my office with the door closed enjoying plantains, looking at pictures of cats and guns when I spotted the vid. Just had to share!

p.s. - as reddic as this fucking thing is, it looks like HELLA fun!


Friday, January 11, 2013

Fucking Hell is this Jack Taylor Tandem ever AWESOME!

Anybody in Madison, WI wanna get this one for me? Only $1200!!

It's been a while since I've seen anything I really wanted bike wise. Granted I haven't been looking around with the same feverishly wet palmed ferver as I used to. Mostly out of tool buying necessity, but also because I have a tendency of buying way too much weird shit. But damn, a lovely Jack Taylor tandem would be awesome to own!

I'm taking solace in the fact that I will eventually get my hands on the Anvil jig tandem extension arm and construct my own :-)


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The NEW Rizoma Metropolitan- aka: FAPOS and More!

Just spotted this Fugly Ass Piece Of Shit and had to share:

UG right?!

But wait, look- you can ride it on the beach barefoot!:

The flared out sport jacket look is all the rage in shitheadsville:

Oh sweat, don't forget the obligatorily dynamic angle shot!:

Yeah, there's a reason that shit is pitched downwards..

This is the porn shot for fuckwads who get off on tossing their own salads by buying wicked fancy bikes to ride back and forth to their local cafe:

 Oh yyyyeeaaa, just sittin' here, pretending to read mah paper, don't really care about what's goin' on in the world cause I'm too busy checkin' out mah sweet fixie, enjoying a skim latte, eating a crossiant, checkin' out people stopping to check out mah sweet fixie, yeah whip out your iphone, post that photo to your instagram with a sweet filter, it's not locked so you could steal it, if it wasn't for the obvious fact that my well dressed yet casual minded self wasn't starin' straight at it, and you, cause I know you want it, cause who wouldn't want such a sweet fuckin' fixie..

Then, well.. they kinda get me here with a cutie riding one with my colors:

Though I like this shot better cause it looks like she's bummed out that no one wants be seen riding with her and her retarded bike:

The best part is that you too could own one of these magnificent pieces of dog shit for a measly €3,700!!

Which equates to $4,834..........

Hmm, let's see what else $4,834 would get you in the real my world..

A Park Master Tool Kit:

..or Anvil's Mitering Combo meal and a lathe:

Then on the higher side, a Canon 5D Mark III body and 24-70mm 2.8 II Lens: 

..or on less practical yet more fun note, a used but good condition Triumph Speedmaster:

In any case, what it comes down to is that EVEN MOTORCYCLE PARTS DESIGNERS CAN'T MAKE A BICYCLE WORTH A SHIT so just fucking stop it already!! Designers, if you're gonna go there, at least try to not charge anywhere near what any pro builder could do for someone, only way better, for the same price if not less..

The only seat tube-less design I've ever seen is Koichi Yamaguchi's asymmetric design. I've been staring at mine for years now trying to come up with something that could at least stand up to his design without A: Falling flat on it's face like the Rizoma and B: Doesn't bite on his design at all..

..and I think I've finally got it!

Not sure if it'll work but it's definitely in the que of future experimental frames to be built. I'm back in the city slavin' for the man so with any luck, I won't be broke as fuck for much longer. Once I'm all caught up with my expenses I can get back into sweet new tool buying mode :-D

Speaking of which, for those of you who don't have instagram or are just dickheads for not following me (alansikiric), here's the progress snaps and caps from my new milling machine rolling base project. The order might seems a little funky since it took place a few different days last month: 

The one bad thing about my shop is I don't have garage door access. Which means sliding everything through standard doors. Not fun..

Here's the super annoying thing: They mounted a 750lb mill on a super thin plywood base. The only way I've been able to get around/under it is by snapping it off. Should be interesting later on once I have to slide it out from underneath when I mount the mill on the new base

Cutting some 2" box steel for the top section of the base..

The cuts are done! Legs, bottom base, top section. The reason why the piece at the top is in 3 pieces is because I ran out of steel and it'll have to be stitched together. Which is also why I'm using a mix of 2" and 2.5" box box tubing. Don't wanna buy another 24' length of the stuff..

Finally ready to busy out wit da MIG welder!

Like OMG! Isn't my little welding cart i made the cutest??!

Top, bottom and the leg that needed stitching, all tacked up. On to the rest of the legs now!

Tryin' to keep things as square as possible..

And there we have it! All tacked up and looking awesome so far. Next time I'm in the shop I'll finish up all the welding, toss the wheels on there and make a couple of shelves. Gonna have to raise the milling machine up first since the wheels in question are currently under it..

Back to work in the shop today on getting my new milling machine off the cart and onto the new base I built recently. So far I bashed my finger once and stepped on a nail..

Cart exhumed- stoked! Just gotta raise it another foot an half now and roll over to Harbor Freight for some big fat caster wheels..


Just about done welding everything up! 

Casters almost done!

DONE! Now it's just a matter of how to get the milling machine onto it. Def gonna need some more cinder blocks etc to raise it up. Next time!

I didn't take a photo but basically I spent a few hours another day slowly raising the mill up till it was high enough for the new cart to fit underneath. Here's a snap of the finished cart with the mill on top. Never posted it cause the project was technically over already and I couldn't really fit the image into an instagram square frame without cropping it too much:

Only thing left to do is finish up the two shelves, bolt the thing down and add all the adjustment handles etc..

Next up will be getting all the various hole saws and bits I need along with a clue as to how the fuck to use it :-/

More soon!


Friday, January 4, 2013