Thursday, April 30, 2009


Only from the fields of muck and hazardous grime known as the Jerz could something so horrifying arise!

Each bottle it carries contains a different biochemical cocktail that will mutate the shit out of you!

One of them can morph a Pinarello Prince and it's matching spandex rider into one of those topless hippie chicks riding a float at the Mermaid Day Parade. Shit, one of em' will fuck you up so bad that you'll have to get high to feel sober!!

..and to think this all began with a ridiculous doodle:

Which BTW is the ONLY thing I put down on paper when building this fucking thing!

More to be seen on my flickr set..

To give you a better idea of how I built this monstrosity, here's a photo of it after I had completed welding up the superstructure:

..aaand this'll give you a better idea of what it was ACTUALLY like while welding up the superstructure:

mucho retardo no?

So yeah, the photos pretty much suck.. BUT.. I've got a few other ideas for different configurations for this beast of all beastly bicycles.. So you can expect to see a lot more from this monstrosity in the near future..

I was a bit rushed with this build because I knew I would get untold amounts of shit from the Canadians if I didn't complete it in time for the Freak tha Beach ride this past Saturday. So, like any responsible adult, I took the day off Friday to work on a fucking mutated tall bike tandem thing. I ran some errands and I spent from 2pm to 3am building it up and working out as many kinks as possible.. Then got up at 8:30am and worked out a couple more before heading out to meet the crew..

I noticed that Morgan was documenting our journey so I decided it was enough that I pilot the Mutandem alone. Fucking thing weights in at 47.8 lbs!!! You don't even want to know how much I wanted to die climbing on that thing with a strong headwind.. I'll post his photos from his post once he posts them (?!!)

To properly arrive in style, I saw it fit to totally crash the Mutandem and pull a scorpion whilst sliding on the pavement and sand.. Fortunately there just happen to be a small child at the ready who was kind enough to help me to my feet. Which is more than I could say for the rest of my cycling compatriots who all thought it would be in my best interest to burst out laughing instead..

The one photo Morgan got between chuckling:

After having a nosh on the sandys and other tid bits we brought we went ahead and took some snaps..

The Mutandem was nice enough to BUST down the fence for us so we had an adequate place to photograph and putz around:


Myself getting rad on the Mutandem:

I prefer the first shot despite being too closely cropped in. Mostly due to the extra special level of ravishing my beard assists me in achieving..

Morgan taking his turn to get a bit of that radness as well while also looking very seductive at the same time..

Morgan looking slightly less seductive, but possibly more ravishing on my other tall he's been riding around this past week:

Well.. Haley was amused anyways..

Until of course my dumbass fell on her later on during the ride home and smushed her rear wheel- oops! Replacement CXP33 is on it's way STAT (THANX BENZZZZZ AGAINZZZZZ)

So it was a wonderful day with wonderful people and there really is no way in shit's name I am EVER riding that fucking bike more than 40 miles in one day!

For all intensive purposes the build went as well as can be expected. So I'm pretty fucking stoked on it! ..and slightly embarrassed in a weird- Wow WTF am I doing with my life to make me want to go to such great lengths with building something so ridiculous?! -kind of way..

Anyways, a big shout out goes out to Lyle for technical advice and coming up with the actual name of all names for it! Along with Lady J for inspiring me to get off my ass and just complete the freaking thing already.. and OF COURSE.. To Andy at Ben's Cycle for coming through with all the juicy parts as per usual..




garr1s0n said...

hooolllyyyy craaaap that thing fucking rules. it looks like a lot of fun to ride, nicely done on the build! ride it down to philly, that shit'd be hilarious to see cruisin down the parkway hahaha

Anonymous said...

The mutandem is awesome, but i think you are obsessed with the color orange.

blueeffusion said...


Stephen said...

dude that's awesome

Snork said...

I hope for your stoker's sake that you have a nice ass.

Anonymous said...

Nicely done! Just don't fart!

Anonymous said...

Sick!! Post pictures of two riders!

gabrielamadeus said...

fuck yes! that looks fanfuckingtastic. don't go easy on them canuckistanis, they're tougher than they act.

Anonymous said...


morgman said...

"I like making art, blowing shit up and listening to METAL. But not necessarily in that order or at the same time... Although I would if I could..."

adam said...

Bitchin' dude!

kale said...

It was a fun ride, but next time someone's got to bring a ghetto blaster and a grill.

A.J. Salazar said...

Super Dope! by far the coolest freak ive seen in a while!

Johnny said...

I saw this bike on Gizmodo, and wanted to comment. It seems well made and looks like it would be fun. Given that the tall-tandem mount usually involves the rear person running to catch up and jump on, on this bike the stoker would also be the kickstand, it seems.

Ironically, the reverse of this (with the tallbike in back) used to be manufactured so that a man could steer from the back and see over a big hat, yet not sweat on his lady guest (who had a fixed handlebar).

CyclingWMD said...

Thanks for the comment man! Where on Gizmodo did you see it I wonder?? But yea, the bike is super fun so long as you're not riding up hill :)