Must. escape. NOW!!!

In making my preparations and accumulating the much 'needed' supplies for my month long trip beginning this Saturday, I've been finding myself in places I normally wouldn't be caught dead in.. The most frightening of which would HAVE be the Garden State Plaza Mall in Paramus NJ.. FUCKING. NIGHTMARE. This is the mall that I used to get dragged to by my parents as a little boy. Then found myself going to on the occasion out of utter boredom and or to skate the Vans store mini ramp years later, or like now, in search of something. That something is anything but socks and undies BTW. N-E-ways.. it's probably been about 3 years since the last time I'd set foot in that godforsaken place and boy oh boy have things changed! What you have to keep in mind is that the GSP is like the mall to end all malls in North Jersey. Not only is it fucking HUGE and always has all the 'best' stores, but it always seems to be expanding by like a wing everytime I go there. Walking through that mall is kind of like bearing witness to the decadence and deindividuation which comes as a precursor to the fall of humanity..

Despite only having been there for an hour or so I felt as though I could barely managed to navigate around the place through the cloudy haze that cast a glare over my eyes. It was kind of like what tripping on acid would be like sober while wearing super scratched up shop glasses. The experience left me feeling gypped. As if I'd lost an equivalent amount of brain cells as a night of heavy drinking minus all the slobbery good tongue twisting strange nipple tweaking good times..

At one point I wandered into a store called Zumiez. Which I'm pretty sure translates to nightmare come to fruition in Latin:

Zumiez is kind of like the boy version of super girly stores like Rave Girl and such.. So. god. awful!! This was only one out the 5 or so stores I walked into that had a full compliment of boards, trucks, wheels, etc.. There was even a CCS (California Cheap Skates) store! Which was slightly shocking to see in person having grown up obsessing over their little comic book style catalogs. That shit was like porn around xmas! I KNOW I'm not the only one out there who went to bed xmas night with their sweet new set-up at the foot of their bed. Along with their equally new sneaks on the board ready to go in like, kickflip position..

The worst part about walking into Zumiez was when one of the teenagers working there looked at my shirt and exclaimed in a pseudo SoCal surfer accent: "Oh that's cool brah, it's like a bike model set! Oh wait is that a fixed gear- awweessoommee!" All the while nodding his head with a big stupid grin on it. My natural reaction was to say nothing, turn around and make a break whence I came. Once I knew my safety was assured, I stopped to catch my breath from my hasty exit and decide on whether or not to ditch the shirt. Which was when I noticed that there was a huge ad for American Eagle Outfitters staring down at me:

AAAAHHHHH! WTF?!

There's so much nonsense going on in that photo that I don't even get into it..

Closer inspection revealed a vintage San Marco Gold Saddle:

Along with what appears to be Deep V's laced to painted spokes and hubs with Fyxation tires or something..

The best part is that there was another AEO mens ad next to it with a photo of a kid on a boat wearing loafers. yeeeaaahhh, boating and fixed gear- They were SO meant for each other!!

UG..

It was at that point that I decided I needed to leave that place ASAP and never go back..

My only salvation for the time spent there is a semi completed mission and the sight of pretty clouds on the horizon:


Saturday can't come sooooon enough!

Must. escape. NOW!!!